Yes, i can’t believe it either. I’ve really had a hard time with this. Ask anyone I usually count down to my birthday for like 6-8 weeks. I get so excited, but not this year. I’ve totally been dreading it. I felt like now that I’m 30 I’m not allowed to listen to the same music, that I have to change my wardrobe, and I’m just not cool anymore. I’m no longer young and hip. But I have decided to embrace 30. I’m thirty and thrilling, that’s my new little motto. So let’s here it for the 30’s.
So I was blog hopping the other day and came across the most fantastic idea from a friends blog. So Nicole, thank you for your insight! I have decided to copy what she did. She wrote a letter to herself reflecting back on the past decade of her life, so I will do the same!
To my 20 year old self,
You believe that you have found the man of your dreams, your future eternal companion, and husband. You are SOOOOOO wrong. It’s not easy to see with such blinders on, but you will get past this. You actually deserve so much more than you think you do. Give it some time, it will be one of the harder decisions you make, but you’ll be so glad when you decide to break up for good. In fact at this very time(here’s another hard decision) as you are debating whether to serve a mission or move to AZ you’re totally going to make the right decision. Nope, not that “right” decision everyone else might think you should make, because a mission is not for everyone. (Reminder to self, you should probably thank your father for his “gentle” encouraging of moving to Arizona).
So off to Arizona you go. Living with your grandparents will be something you hold dear for decades. Cherish that time with them. What amazing people they are. Take advantage of the spirit of their home. There are so many things you can learn from that spirit, and from your grandparents. How wonderful they are to allow you to stay there with them. You’re going to have a number of cruddy jobs. If I could please clue you in on a few things, you do not have to stick with a job because it’s “safe”, because you don’t think you’ll be able to get a better job, or because you don’t believe it’s worth the time to look for another job. It really would have been, more than likely. But since you’re so strong willed (which sorry to say, is not going to be changing real soon), you’ll learn some great skills in these jobs that will help you down the road. Maybe it was worth it after all.
Remember that previous relationship that you were oh so concerned about? You’re about to have a few more of them. Just so you know, you’re going to have the time of your life. Live it up! It’s so great to feel good about yourself and know who you are. There was no need to worry about finding the “one”. You will, but first you’ll have a whole bunch of frogs to deal with. So don’t forget to kiss them, how else will you know you’ve found your prince? Please enjoy your single life and don’t worry about insignificant issues. If there was one thing that I could tell you to change, it would be to calm down. RELAX!!!! Enjoy what you have instead of worrying about what’s coming up next. So all this fun single life does come to an end. There’s this absolutely hilarious guy that is going to knock you off your feet (cuz you’re laughing so hard). He’s a definite keeper, so when you decide to ask him out on your first date, GO YOU!!!! Definitely one of the best decisions you have ever made.
It’s totally ok to realize that married life is not all roses and romance. It’s so worth all of what you will learn. Oh, another thing I’d like to tell you here, David has always meant to make you happy. It may be difficult to see a couple of times, but his efforts really need to be recognized and appreciated. He’s incredible and loves you soooo very much. Don’t try to be in control of everything so much. Give David a chance to do things his way on occasion. If you don’t you’ll really miss out on some great potential memories.
So it looks like you’re stuck in those fabulous jobs again wondering if multiple things are ever going to happen in your life. You will finish school. And you’ll even help Dave finish school. What an amazing relief. Good job for toughing it out. Because of one of these jobs, you will get to move back home to Washington, so you can stop worrying about that. And since you like things to be crazy, it will be something you do in a three week time period, and wow you have a lot to get done. Oh the upcoming eight weeks without Dave, yeah not so fun or easy. Try not to do that again. Again, that whole calm down and relax thing could have come in real handy.
It seems that we sure have skipped a lot of time from when you got married to when you moved. You seemed to have had a one track mind for awhile. Babies! It’s that control thing getting in the way again. So here we come into the hard stuff. When you see family and friends with their children, you need to be more positive. When you see young un-wed mothers please know that you will have a turn. Please realize that truly everything happens for a reason. Please see how blessed you are on SOOOOOO many levels. There are just too many wonderful things in your life that are not worth letting something else getting in the way of them. You need to be prepared that it’s going to be awhile. You do not get to pick when things go the way you want them to. That’s why you really should be happy in the moment and see the good in whatever is present. You’re going to see a lot of doctors, and have lot’s (and I mean LOTS) of tests run. By the way, none of these tests are going to help you. But it’s ok, because you have a wonderful, loving, and supportive husband. You will be amazed at his willingness to sacrifice for you. (Hello, he’s moving all the way to Washington for you).
After more than five years of doctors visits you have one of those other really hard decisions to make. Remember that talk you had with David (pretty sure it was before you were even engaged) about adopting children into your family. It’s time! This is not giving up, it is simply the next road to travel. It’s ok that you won’t be pregnant, It’s ok that you will not birth your own child, it’s alright that they won’t have yours and David’s genes. None of that matters. I’ll even tell you why none of that matters, because you do not need ANY of that to make her yours!
After a whirlwind of paperwork and questions you’re going to get the best Christmas present of all time! Pick up the dang phone will you, so that you can get the good news, good grief! You and David have been picked! You’re going to be having a baby girl in about five weeks! (Sorry Dave, apparently not all babies take 9 months to show up). It’s not going to be exactly as you dreamed. But pretty darn close. And here I must say you have done amazing. You have never been so happy in all of your life. It’s pretty awesome that you can be so happy, even at 2 AM, or whatever the heck time it is. Don’t change anything. Finally you are living in the moment, see how wonderful it is! It really was worth the wait.
Even though going from 20 to 30 sounds like it should take forever, it didn’t. You aren’t going to do things perfectly, and that’s alright as long as you promise to learn and make the next decade even better. So here’s for 30. THRILLING AND THIRTY!!!!
I love you,
Love me
